It’s only Thursday but somehow this week already feels really long and eventful.
In the past four days, I have experienced two occasions where my heart tightened, guts tensed up and I couldn’t get enough air. I call them mini panic attacks that ended in tears. I’m not sure if they were really panic attacks…but either way, it’s really strange because I am not an anxious or panicky person by nature.
For those of you who watched my relationship video with Tobi, you will know he describes me as a “butterfly floating through life” – which is a pretty accurate description of my being. For the most part, I have always floated around life with a positive spirit choosing to not worry about a lot of things.
So… what’s the problem? Why the weird mini panic attacks?
After some thinking and talking, I have come to the conclusion that being “positive” can become a double edge sword if there is no balance.
The month of September was a bit rough because I experienced a lot of internal negativity due to some conflicts I faced. It wasn’t anything devastating or overly dramatic – but it was enough to create a big black knot of bad feelings inside. Although, the knot has decreased in size, it is still there and it has made me ultra-sensitive to everything. It has distracted me and caused my body to react by giving me a break out, rashes and even digestion issues. I mean, how can we expect our digestion to be good when we ourselves aren’t digesting life with ease?
A part of me wants to blame the outside for everything that is happening inside – but that’s not how it works.
Eleanor Roosevelt was right when said “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”; it’s true because no one can make us feel crappy without us letting them.
This experience has made me realise that I have a problem letting go of anything I perceive to be overly negative. It can consume me when I feel there are more negative vibes than positive ones in the air. In a way, I feel like the Dementors from Harry Potter are trying to kiss me. It may sound a bit over the top, but it’s truly how I feel which is why I say being “positive” can become a double edge sword if it is not in balance or put into perspective.
“Let people be!” “Don’t try to change others!” “It’s not your responsibility” “Not everyone needs to be like you!”
All the statements above are true. I know it’s none of my business how people want to live their lives. I know I need to let people be. Happiness and positivity doesn’t look the same to everyone and that’s great.
I am learning that if people want advice or help they will seek it. By forcing ourselves on to others we will only be stabbing ourselves in the foot. Having an attachment to the outcome of how things or people should be will only lead to mini panic attacks, indigestion and ugly break outs. And who wants that? I have spent the last week putting on face masks and drinking tea in the hopes of curing my insides. Has it worked? Sure, a little. But the relief is only temporary because if I don’t learn to detach myself and focus on my own issues, the symptoms of housing negativity will keep coming back.
And so, in the the famous words of the Frozen song: “Let it gooooo!”
The end.
Happy detaching my friends! 🙂
PS: I used to feel like I needed to be careful with writing random blog posts. But now I realise that a blog is here to share unfiltered real life emotions. After all, what helps us as individuals, can also maybe help others. 🙂
