What I Learned From 7 Years In a Teen Marriage

If someone had told me I would become a teenage bride I would not have believed it.

But it happened.

I met Tobi 15 days after I turned 18 and he turned 20. That’s right! We have the same birthday. Talk about being birth-day soulmates.

Tobi, originally from Switzerland, went to play basketball in the United States. He ended up playing for the same college where I was attending my first year of studies. We fell in love in 3 months and decided to get married 6 months after meeting each other. I moved to Switzerland 20 days after we got married.

Talk about young, crazy and in love.

Anyone in a relationship knows that being in one can feel like a marathon sometimes. There are great days and not so great days. You have to constantly work together to keep going. There are days where you really want to give up and tell your partner you’d rather grow old with 100 cats than to have one more argument about “how he is hurting your feelings… and how can he not understand why?” We’ve been there. We’ve been through a lot. There was a lot of growing involved in the last years and it wasn’t always easy or comfortable – but it was necessary.

April 6, 2016 marked our 7th wedding anniversary and looking back I realised I learned some very important lessons for myself. Lessons that have allowed Tobi and I to build a relationship of strength, respect and lots of love.

Every couple needs to find their own truth and the advice I share with you is based on my personal views and experience. A lot of my advice is about individuality and that’s because I believe love for oneself is crucial to the success of any relationship.

Learn to Be Alone

Whether you are in a relationship or not, the art of not depending on anyone is a precious lesson to be learned. I think it’s a beautiful thing when you can go to the movies alone, have a meal alone or even travel alone. Obviously it’s nice to share moments with others but other people may not always be around and that’s okay. Life doesn’t stop when we’re alone.

Don’t Expect your Partner to Make You Happy All The Time

Because they can’t and they won’t. There will be days where they just won’t be able to be there for you and You won’t be able to be there for them either. It will happen, because we are all human beings who have good days and bad days. Happiness and self-fulfillment should never depend on anyone else. The saying Love Yourself should NOT be ignored. Two complete halves make for one happy whole.

Find Yourself and Keep Yourself

Before you entered a relationship you were an individual with your own hobbies, passions and dreams for the future. Don’t lose them. And don’t lose yourself. It’s all you’ve got. Keep yourself interesting for YOURSELF – Never stop evolving as an individual. Getting married at 18 and 20 made it very tricky for Tobi and I to “find” ourselves. We struggled trying to balance our own needs with the needs of our relationship. Between year 4 – 7 we spent quite some time apart developing our interests and passions. Some may see that as not so great, it was great for us. We needed our time and we gave each other our time.

Don’t Blame your Partner for the Things YOU Don’t Do

Just because you have a partner doesn’t mean they will always want to do the same things you do. So don’t make them – it’s not nice. The first couple of years I resented Tobi for not wanting to travel or go out as much as I did. I blamed him because if he didn’t want to go out then I wouldn’t either. This was a huge mistake on my part. I don’t know why I thought my ability to do things depended on him because it doesn’t. Don’t hold back from doing things or seeing things just because your partner doesn’t want to go along on that particular journey. I believe that’s how resentment and frustration begins to grow throughout the years.

Let your Partner Be Free

With all this talk about doing things without your partner I should probably mention the importance of trust. Trust is everything and I think anyone in a relationship knows that. Trust your partner to go on trips without you, to go for a night out with her/his friends. Let your partner be free. As kids we hated when our parents tried to control us – so don’t treat your partner like a child. Don’t reflect your insecurities on your relationship. It’s not healthy or positive. Just remember: It was usually the overly controlled kids who rebelled against their parents and did things they shouldn’t.

Always Appreciate Each Other and Don’t Stop Communicating

Don’t take each other for granted and never stop talking about your feelings, your dreams, your ideas, your worries, your fears, your day… etc. Making time to really talk to each other is so important. It’s the daily little things that build up the big picture in staying connected and in love.

I’m curious to know what YOUR thoughts are on relationships. 🙂 Do you have any advice or tips? I would love to hear them on the comments below. 🙂

Happy Love!

With Smiles,

Pam