“Because you’re always so happy and it’s annoying.”

When I was 16 years old I worked as a hostess at the International House of Pancakes.

“Hi! Welcome to IHOP how many in your party tonight? Would you like a booth or a table?”

Since it was a part time job during school, I worked the dinner shifts alongside the night crew. The night crew mostly consisted of high school dropouts who seemed to complain a lot about work and life. Aside from work interactions, they didn’t really socialize with me. I was always by my self standing at my hostess podium folding kid menus into boats.

I often felt left out and one day I asked the colleague who spoke to me the most, why the others never included me in their conversations. He responded by saying: “Because you’re always so happy and it’s annoying.”

Wait. What? I’m too happy? And it’s annoying? Did such a thing even exist? My brace faced teenage heart was confused, broken and went home crying.

That was a defining moment in my life. It was my first experience at seeing the not so nice side of the human ego.

Fast-forward to a decade later and you will find an adult Pamela who tries to choose happiness over unhappiness. It’s been an every day choice  that has been working out well for me in the last years.

For those of you who read my PFW post, you will note that I talk a lot on the “seriousness” of it all and it’s probably because that is what affected me the most. Being surrounded by the “cool look” made the people around me seem more mature and sophisticated. It brought back a similar discomfort from that of my IHOP days. Although no one ever said anything or treated me in any different way, I felt like “a child” compared to the others and I felt left out. It was a self-created self-doubt and I went to sleep seriously considering changing myself. (Talk about psychological pain from the past!)

After the Yudashkin fashion show the next day, I had some time before a photo shoot. I decided to go for coffee at Paris’s oldest and most prestigious cafes: Café de Flore.

It was a Sunday, sunny day and in typical European style, the outside tables of the café were full. This meant that walking to the main entrance was like walking on an unwanted runway show.
It felt like all eyes were on the girl with the orange turtleneck and silver skirt walking in alone.

I was a bit intimidated as my French is not great and this was my first time at Café de Flore. I also didn’t know how “tourist” friendly they were.

Inside, the café was full. Crowded with mostly Parisian couples or groups of friends all dressed fabulously casual in mostly jeans. (They manage the “effortless chic” look so well!) I stood behind a couple that looked like tourists. After telling the couple to wait for a table, the host turned to me and said something so fast in French that I didn’t understand a word. So I gave him my brightest smile and said: “Bonjour! Une sil vous plait.”(One, please!) He looked at me bemused and told me to follow him. He sat me down at a small table with space for one.

From experience, being a foreigner in a local crowded café doesn’t always result in friendly service, especially when you can feel the stress of the waiters.

I waited for more than 5 minutes before a waiter took my order. When the waiter arrived he politely yet hurriedly apologized in English for the delay. I looked at him with a smile and said: “N’est pas proooobleme! C’est bonne!” Basically saying: It’s no problem! And since I didn’t know how to say “no worries” in French, I said “Its beautiful!” The waiter gave a little laugh, a smile and said: “Oui, oui Madame.”

After that small “insignificant” exchange of words and smiles, the sweet older aged waiter and his sweet older aged colleague would either smile or ask me if I needed anything when they walked past my table. When I asked for the check, they joked and asked if they should also give me their telephone number. Obviously all in good humor and demonstrating an “openness” and a new “friendship.”  When you show genuine warmth to others, they will usually show it back to you. I left the café with a smiling “merci” and “au revoir!” to the waiters – and them to me.

As I got outside my heart was filled with gratitude and happiness, gratitude for having the opportunity to experience such things in lovely places, and happiness for being happy.

I realized being “happy” and always smiling is very much a ME thing. And although others may see it as annoying, fake or tell me it’s “unrealistic” (Which I have been told directly and indirectly.) It’s who I am. It’s a trait buried so deep inside that trying to change it would be like going against nature. Being that “happy” “sunshine” soul is what I have to give the world.

This doesn’t mean every day is rainbows and flowers for me – because it’s not. I have days where I zone in on all the painful and negative things going on around me.

I don’t believe in perfection, I don’t believe in a “perfect life.”

What I do believe is: While not every day is great, there IS something great IN every day. It’s this belief I turn to day after day when I choose happiness over the opposite and maybe it’s a belief that helps you too. 🙂

So who cares what others say, be who you are and be it the best you can be.

Thank you for reading my friends! I don’t take your time, comments or suggestions for granted – they mean a lot to me. You can also join me on my everyday journey here. 

Happy Weekend!